Usually new model introductions either happen at some big Auto Show, or in the fall as car companies roll out their newest creations to try and regain market share and stay in business. But this is no typical year, not siree - things happen at a rapid pace or they don’t happen at all. So yesterday, Chrysler brought out it’s latest model, hoping the public would buy it and accept it as the future of the former big-three automakers. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: the all new Chrysler Bankruptcy for 2010!!

Folks, you’re just gonna love this model. To begin with, I can guarantee you that no other car manufacturer in the world is offering this - nobody! Oh sure, there will be others (and soon) who will try to imitate this, who will try to dazzle you with the sheer size of their failure, with their incredible inability to change with the times and stop building monster trucks and SUVs. But when they do, remember - you saw it here first!

This new model is smaller and lower, with less overhead and little under the hood. But it’s no slouch - it can go from huge profits to $20 billion in debt in less than 18 months! It’s sleek and aerodynamic, and cuts through the hot air coming out of Washington with ease. And thanks to our friends at Fiat, who helped us build this little beauty, it even idles with an Italian accent! No folks, you’re not gonna find a vehicle like this anywhere else in the world - and all with a government-backed warranty!

And, we have some extra special deals for those of you who are former Chrysler auto workers - for a limited time only, we’re offering you up to 39 weeks of unemployment benefits to go along with losing that job you’ve had for 30 years. No no, don’t thank us - thank your local UAW representative. And let’s not forget our thousands of suppliers and others we owe money to who helped make all this possible. We’re rolling out a second new model just for you - the all new Dodge Creditors! Sign on the dotted line and you fine folks can drive away with 29 cents for every dollar we owe you! Well, at least some of you will anyway - your mileage may vary. As for the rest of you, well - that’s Car Biz!

So get down to your local Chrysler dealer (if you can find one that’s still in business) and sign up today for the all new Chrysler Bankruptcy. We’re expecting a huge turnout for this, in fact we’re decided to shut down all of our manufacturing plants indefinitely until the orders start rolling in. Accept no imitations - those copycats over at General Motors will have a competing model out in a month or two, but by then our model will have set the standard for manufacturing collapse in the twenty-first century.